Bills, bills, bills
by TinySprite
Summary: Inspired by an rp with rainsoakedreams. Since Hardison owns the building, doesn't that entitle him to some things?
1. It all begins!

TinySprite: Well, here's something fun that I typed up. This fic was inspired by an rp with rainsoakedreams, who also beta-d this. Go check her stuff out!

Parker: (skips out) Disclaimer!

**Disclaimer:** TinySprite owns nothing of Leverage except this plot and evil plot bunnies!

(-------)

It started out as a normal enough morning. Eliot was busy making breakfast, Parker was busy watching him, Sophie was just trying to wake up and Nate was practically glaring at the coffee maker to hurry up, dragged out of bed by a bouncy Parker too early in the morning. It was Hardison's turn to get the mail, which he was currently doing.

Right on cue, the hacker strolled into the apartment, all smiles. In his hand was an unusual amount of letters, more than what they normally got. Sophie looked at them, then at Hardison, frowning slightly in confusion. She got no answer as he passed out the mail joyfully, keeping some envelopes in hand.

Standing before them, Hardison clapped his hands together, smiling brightly, "Now, it's bill time everyone!"

That got everyone's attention, Eliot turning away from the stove, frying pan in hand. Parker turned in her seat to stare at her friend, Sophie stopped trying to smooth her hair down and Nate just gave him a sideways glance before returning his attention to the coffee maker, gripping his favorite mug tightly in one hand.

Taking one thick envelope, Hardison handed it to Sophie, "I don't know what you're doing Soph, but your water and electric bills are ridiculous."

She stared at him, quickly opening her envelope, "What do you mean?"

Turning away from her, and ignoring her squawk at the bills inside, he next handed a envelope to Parker and Eliot practically snatched the one offered to him, putting the frying pan on a cool burner to do so. The hitter tore it open and read the bills inside, "Three hundred dollars for a new door?! A hundred and fifty dollars for a new window?!"

The hacker shrugged, "Hey, they don't grow on trees you know!"

Parker looked up, so very confused, "Why do I owe you fifty dollars for a new door lock? Or eighty for a new vent cover?"

Hardison smiled at her, "The same reason you shouldn't try to mess with either of those with a screwdriver."

Eliot frowned, putting two and two together, "Hey, you can't count any of this! Parker was locked in the bathroom that day!"

The hacker shook his head, carefully tossing Nate the final envelope, "Well, who do you think pays for that stuff?"

Nate glared at the offending item, before cleanly ripping the top open in a smooth motion and pulling out the bill inside, "And I owe you six hundred dollars for a new laptop why?"

Hardison chirped, "Because you knocked mine off the balcony yesterday."

The mastermind growled at him, "That was an accident and you know it! I already offered to buy you a new one!"

The hacker shrugged, still smiling, "I know, but putting it in bill form seems more official, don't you agree?"

Seeming to think of a last minute addition, Hardison addressed all of them, "By the way, I expect everyone's rent by the end of next week! That should be in there too."

Taking in all of their stunned faces, he blinked and frowned at them, "What did you guys expect? I am the landlord you know."


	2. Spotlight on Sophie!

TinySprite: Now the revenge begins! Again beta-d by rainsoakedreams. Seriously, go check her stuff out!

Sophie: (smiles pleasantly at readers) I shall now do the disclaimer.

**Disclaimer:** Nothing of Leverage is owned by TinySprite, aside from this plot.

(------)

The team decided later that night that Hardison had gone too far, whether it was a joke or not. It was a unanimous decision among them, aside from Parker, who lost interest half way through and skipped off to do whatever it was she wanted to (within reason of course).

Sophie happily started it off, practically beaming the next morning as she approached Hardison in the den, a sheet of folded paper in hand. She smiled at him, "Hardison dear, I think we need to talk about a few things."

The hacker glanced up at her, putting aside his bowl of cereal. For some reason Eliot hadn't cooked breakfast that morning, but hey, he could make due. Hardison smiled at Sophie, leaning back a bit, "What about Soph?"

She unfolded the sheet of paper, holding it in one hand while the other found a place on her hip. The look on her face would have warned him, but as a grifter, she hid her glee quite well, "Well for starters, one of my bathroom lights isn't working properly. I've replaced the bulb twice now but it just keeps acting up! Then my garbage disposal decided to clog itself some time ago and nothing I do seems to work! Oh and don't even get me started on the heating problems or the constant lack of hot water!"

Hardison's face went from amusement to confusion as she spoke, "Sophie, why are you telling me all this? It's not my problem."

The grifter smiled sweetly at him, "Oh but it is! You're the landlord correct?"

He nodded, wondering what that had to do with anything. Sophie forced the paper into his hands, still smiling, "Then it's your responsibility to ensure the building is in proper order! Especially since I don't believe you've hired a janitor or any other of the sort?"

The hacker stared at her, casting a glance at the sheet and feeling his eyes widen dramatically. Her handwriting was neat and small...and completely filled the paper! He rose from his seat, distractedly pushing away from his back-up laptop so as to not knock it off the small table, "Hold on, just how am I responsible for vent damage?! That's Parker right there!"

Sophie giggled at him, shaking her head, "Like I said Hardison dear, you own the building so it is your responsibility. I look forward to having at least the ones underlined in pen taken care of within the week!"

Hardison let out an unusual squawk noise at seeing more than half the list was underlined in pen and something told him the highlighted ones were of utmost priority.

She turned on her heel and promptly left the apartment, smiling to herself the whole way. As she made to exist the building to take care of a few errands, she caught Eliot's eye and nodded at him. The hitter smirked and got ready, eager for his own turn.

Hardison was very much going to regret this!


	3. Parker steals the show!

TinySprite: (snickering to self) Poor Hardison, he thought he could just get away with it? Beta-d by rainsoakedreams, go check her out!

Eliot: (eyeing authoress carefully) All right, I guess it's my turn for this..

**Disclaimer: **TinySprite doesn't own anything of Leverage, she just wishes she does.

(----------)

Hardison flopped back into his chair, staring at the list Sophie had given him. There was no way he was really responsible for all of this, right? Really....he'd need to call at least three or four different kinds of specialists just to take care of Sophie's apartment! What if all the others needed servicing too?

Well...that wasn't very likely, given that he wasn't renting them out to anyone but the team...

Slightly nervous now, he glanced around at the walls of Nate's place. It seemed fine in here, but what if he just couldn't see the problems? Shaking his head to rid himself of that kind of thinking, Hardison was about to put the list to one side when a voice startled him, "Whatcha looking at?"

Nearly feeling his heart jump out of his chest, the hacker whirled around to see Parker standing behind him, honest curiosity on her face as she tried to read Sophie's list, leaning this and that way around him to get a good look. Letting out a breathe of relief that it was just her, Hardison put the list down next to his back-up laptop, "Nothing, just some complaints of Sophie's..."

He made a mental note to double check what she'd told him. He couldn't really be responsible for all of that, right? Instead he smiled at the thin blonde, "What can I do for you Parker?"

Parker smiled at him, cheerfully holding out an envelope to him, "I came to pay you!"

A smile cracked his face as he accepted the item from her, "Aww, that's nice of you Parker!"

Truth be told, he hadn't really expected any of them to pay so promptly. But if Parker was so willing, the others would soon follow! Allowing himself a mental cackle and hand rub worthy of a cartoon villain, the hacker opened the envelope.

What he saw inside made him do a double take, "Uh Parker...what is this?"

She tilted her hand, not understanding, "It's a hundred and thirty dollars, plus that rent of seven hundred and seventy-five dollars."

He nodded dully, easily counting that out in the envelope, only not in the form he was hoping for. Turning to look at her, he slowly asked, "Yeah..but why is it all in Monopoly money?"

Sure enough, inside the envelope was a five hundred dollar bill, four one hundred dollar bills and five one dollar bills, all in play money.

Parker just quirked her head and smiled at him almost condescendingly, "Silly Hardison, we're just playing right?"

He must have forgotten, but she knew that her friend wouldn't really charge her for that stuff. When she'd gotten locked in the bathroom, Parker had panicked and needed to get out, nearly going out the window despite it being the fifth floor and having no safety lines once the options of the door and vent had been closed off to her. That was why Eliot had kicked the door down to stop her, somehow accidentally breaking the window himself in the process.

Hardison was just teasing her to make her feel better! The blonde happily patted him on the shoulder, skipping out of the apartment to do...whatever it was she felt like doing while the stunned hacker just stayed there in his seat.

He shook his head slowly, putting the envelope down on top of the list. Could today get any weirder?

His constant presence on the 'net over the years should have taught him better than to question fate.


	4. Eliot's called the hitter for a reason!

TinySprite: Two down, two more to go! (cackles to self) Once more, this was beta-d by rainsoakedreams, who also writes here on fanfiction! Go check her out!

Nate: (doesn't even cast a glance at her) Let's just get this over with already...

**Disclaimer:** TinySprite doesn't own anything of Leverage, just this plot. Trust me, I made sure of that.

(-------)

Just as Hardison felt he was over the shock of Parker's visit and about to research just what Sophie had told him about being a landlord, Eliot entered the apartment, a smug smile firmly on his face.

The hacker glanced at him warily, learning his lesson about smiling faces today, "Something you need Eliot?"

"Actually, there is," the hitter approached him, holding out a thick folder, "my pay."

"Pay?!" Hardison stared at him, then rushed to open the envelope, yanking out the papers from inside. Eliot continued on as he did so, "Yep, for bodyguard services provided in the past and for any future events. Not to mention my expenses as an instructor and a chief. Oh, and also included is what you owe me for medical expenses due to injuries I obtained while acting as a bodyguard for you specifically and my rate for ongoing services. Along with what you already owe me for past services provided and clearly recorded."

The hacker literally felt his chest hurt and breathing suddenly got hard as he saw the total amount Eliot was demanding. He stared up at the other man, "That's highway robbery!"

Eliot shook his head, "No, that's with the discount. I technically work for Nate, that's what you owe me for personal services provided via having the same employer."

Hardison shook his head in disbelief, "I don't believe this..."

Eliot allowed his smile to get bigger, almost predatory really, "Until you pay me that amount, you're cut off."

The hacker snapped around to stare at him, "Cut off?!"

The other nodded, clearly enjoying this, "Yep, cut off. I will provide no more services until I'm paid and continue to receive a check that I believe is reasonable."

Hardison gaped at him, obviously in disbelief. This just could not be happening, it couldn't!

Eliot stepped back towards the door, calling out over his shoulder, "I accept both cash and checks although a simple wire transfer to the indicated account works as well."

He knew Hardison wouldn't try to hack him. The account was one the hacker himself had set up for a just in case scenario, completely legal and everything. There was no use hacking it because it wouldn't get the younger man anywhere.

Eliot left the apartment, hearing Hardison starting to mutter something behind him. Nate was just down the hallway, looking surprisingly evil in a section of shadows. He carried a surprisingly large box in his hands, giving it a demented smile as Eliot neared him.

The hitter nodded to him, letting the mastermind know it was his turn. Nate nodded back at him pleasantly enough, but Eliot knew none of that would reach Hardison right now, at least, none that didn't hide ulterior motives.


	5. Trust Nate to bring it to a close!

TinySprite: Okay, he's suffered enough. Let's wrap this up! Beta-d by rainsoakedreams, who is also a writer. Go check her out!

Hardison: Finally...relief...(proceeds to give disclaimer)

**Disclaimer:** TinySprite doesn't own anything of Leverage aside from this plot and a few plot bunnies. If that changes, I'll be sure to fix it!

(---------)

As Hardison was trying to calm down from Eliot's visit, (surely that had been a prank...right?) the door swung open to admit Nate, a disturbingly pleasant smile on his face. The mastermind entered the apartment, a package in his hands, "Hello Hardison, I've got something for you."

The hacker eyed him warily, wondering just what was going to happen now, "Oh really? Can I ask what it is?"

Nate nodded agreeably, setting it down on the coffee table in front of the couch, "I was going to surprise you, but I figured you'd want this new laptop as soon as possible."

Despite his better judgment, the young man felt himself perk up, "New laptop? Really?"

The other nodded again, stepping back and motioning to the package, "Go on, it's all yours!"

Hardison smiled and moved over to it, "Thanks man!"

Maybe today was looking up. Could always count on good ol' Nate to come through! Hardison happily opened the package, not noticing the wicked gleam in his boss's eye. He did, however, notice the...thing inside...

Staring at the clunky, old piece of technology, Hardison hesitantly asked, "Nate...what is this?"

Nate motioned to it with one hand, "Your new laptop, what else?"

Hardison carefully lifted it up out of the box and packaging, trying to figure out if something this ancient would even work, "You sure? It's...uh..."

The other man waved his hand, explaining, "It wasn't easy getting you know! I had to track down a couple people, pulled a string or two, all to get that beauty for you!"

Of course, Nate was lying through his teeth. He'd simply gone to a nearby computer store and bought their oldest, crappiest laptop, at a fair price of about three hundred dollars. Hardison didn't need to know that though.

Speaking of which, the young man seemed to be in a bit of shock at the moment, which prompted Nate to ask, "You okay Hardison? I followed exactly what the bill required of me."

Which was just a laptop, around six hundred dollars. It had never said he had to pay exactly that much or couldn't simply get a cheaper one. The hacker just nodded, squeaking out, "I'm fine...I, uh, just wasn't expecting...this..."

The mastermind faked a sigh worthy of a grifter, fishing out a folded up advertisement, "I was originally going to get you this, but then you gave me that bill and I figured I shouldn't."

Hardison felt his eyes bug at the beautiful laptop displayed in the ad. So sleek of a design, so powerful it practically put his old laptop (and the back-ups) to shame, along with a handy carrier case with various attachments included.

Nate let him take the ad, adding on to his previous statement, "Well that and I didn't want to seem like I was trying to gain favors with the landlord by doing that."

Hardison didn't respond, eyes glued to the ad's laptop, clearly wanting it. Nate smiled wickedly to himself as he left his apartment, intent on telling the others (well...Eliot really, and Parker too if she was around) about this success.

Later that night, Hardison personally apologized to each and every one of them, treating the team out to a nice restaurant. The subject of bills and rent never came up again, unless it absolutely had to.


End file.
